For those of you who want to know what happened, in diary/story form, read on. But if you don't particularly want to know, I won't feel bad if you stop reading here. Just know that all is going well.
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I had my first appointment Friday morning. Everything seemed fine. There was no heart beat, but that's nothing unusual at barely 10 weeks. Then late that afternoon, I started to spot brown. There wasn't much at all, so I didn't worry about it. Maybe my cervix had been bumped or something. It disappeared, and I went on with my life. Saturday it happened again, but again very light. Still I wasn't too worried. I'd tell my doctor at my next appointment.
Then on Sunday, right before church, I started getting cramps. Oh boy, and they were strong too! It got my attention. Then during sacrament meeting when I had to go to the bathroom, I discovered the the spotting was now pink. . .
Needless to say, I went home and called my doctor. Since it wasn't an emergency, he told me to call Monday morning and set up an appointment for an ultrasound so that we could find out what was going on. OK. So I went back to church and remained understandably distracted.
The cramps, now moderate in intensity, continued off and on the rest of the day, and the spotting turned back to brown. But I started noticing other things. My breasts were no longer tender. I wasn't exhausted. In fact, physically, I was feeling great.
When I woke up Monday morning, I felt completely "normal", as in "not pregnant". I knew then that I had miscarried, but there was still no proof, as the spotting was still both scant and brown. I went on a walk, called the doctor and set up an appointment for 3pm, and started in working on my basement.
The work was good for me. It was a welcome distraction and I was able to get a lot done. I'd had to put off a lot of things because of my previous exhaustion, and it was actually a stress relief to be finally working down there. It also kept the cramps at bay and my mind occupied.
I told the girls what was going on. Luckily I had told them of the possibility way back when I first told them I was pregnant. They took it rather well, though they hoped the baby was OK.
Finally I showered, went to the store for milk, then headed to the doctors.
Everyone there was both sympathetic and optimistic. I was emotionally distancing myself so that I wouldn't cry. Ihate crying in public.
I finally got in there for the ultrasound, and the doctor couldn't find anything with the normal abdominal method. Lucky me got to do the other one. When we finally found something all there was was the gestational sack. Nothing else. I was almost relieved to finally know for sure that I'd miscarried. My uterus and ovaries looked just fine.
The doctor was really nice, distant and professional, just how I needed it. I got to get a Rhogam shot (I'm RH negative), and then we went in to talk. He reassured me that it wasn't my fault. That there was nothing that I could have done to either cause or prevent it. That my chances were the same as for everyone else my age, and the next pregnancy would be the same chances, etc. Then he gave me the option of letting nature take it's course, taking some pills to help things along, or going in for a D&C. I chose the pills. We wrapped things up, and I went my merry way.
Did I mention that I hate crying in public? I had a hard time keeping myself together, but I managed. I called Seth once I got in the car and told him I'd been right. I asked him to tell the girls for me then said I wouldn't be home for a while. He understood.
So where did I go? My favorite store, Home Depot. Once again the basement came to the rescue. I was able to distract myself and calm down while being engaged in my favorite pastime, planning. I know, I'm weird.
When I got home, I took the pills, and within minutes the cramping picked up and I started spotting red. Good. Seth got dinner for all of us, and I went to bed early. I was tired, mostly from all of the work I'd done that morning. I went to bed early and slept well.
This morning I passed some red tissue. The cramping has subsided, and the spotting is still red. Nothing heavy. Nothing Motrin can't handle. Emotionally, actually I'm doing great. And as luck would have it, I've been busy all day putting together and teaching a cupcake decorating class for the Activity Days girls.
I'm sure I'll have a good private cry at some point, but for now I'm keeping busy and feeling fine. The girls and Seth are doing fine too. Blake remains oblivious.
And so, life goes on.
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